The world inside my my mind is a wonderful place to be. There is no special place to be each day, no agenda set forth that demands me to spend time on things that matter little to me. Each day the sun shines. The day unravels slowly, zero rush to be anywhere at any particular time. I am not forced to interact all day long with people I have little to nothing in common, who are quite comfortable in the status quo because the unknown is just such a scary place. In my mind, I get to take the risks I long to take: Quit the day job to travel the world! Quit the day job to pursue art full time! Move someplace new and exciting! Volunteer at elephant orphanages and sanctuaries! Volunteer or work at any animal sanctuary! Wake up each day truly owning my time!
But what about money? What about retirement? What about all that security you would be cutting from your life?
What about money? Is there no faith I could not make the same amount of money, if not more, on my own?
What about retirement? Yes, it’s good to save money, but not in-lieu of living. What about SAVE, SAVE, SAVE and then WAIT, WAIT, WAIT only to die a day before being able to enjoy it? I’ve seen it happen. It’s devastating. It’s beyond sad. You wait your whole life to enjoy it, only to die before you ever get the chance to truly live. Death is a real eye-opener. Within the past couple of months I’ve had a few nightmares about death. Granted, I’m only 44, but the real sense of mortality hit me hard out of nowhere. Lying in bed next to my sleeping hubby I suddenly thought, “What if I die tomorrow? I would be so fucking disappointed in all the things I haven’t had a chance to do, or to see all the places I want to see.” It happened again while reading one night, and again one day while I was doing laundry. Regret. The nudge from the universe that I should be taking more chances. Do the things I want to do. There really is nothing stopping me. Nothing. But fear. And a hubby who doesn’t share the same level of risk taking that I do. So I sit and simmer with this dream world in my head each and every day.
And security? Yes, having a full-time job with an outside employer does give me an immense feeling of security. But I also know I am quite capable of creating my own security too. I do not fear this.
In the meantime, this world within me exists, playing out the life I most wish I could live. While some days it does drag me down, I keep the feelings of despair away by meditating each morning (currently still 15 minutes) and maintaining a solid workout schedule. These two things alone help tremendously. As this is to be a blog about serenity, that will be the focus from here out. Each day is really a new chance to get things right, to try something new, to make a move in a new direction (even one tiny baby step counts). I believe we can have the lives of serenity we so desperately crave. Together, we can make a difference and breathe easy each and every day. I hope you will join me. 🙂