Unrushed serenity is about slowing down, taking your time with each activity. I have problems with rushing – with anything. It stresses me out. Big time. For the longest time I felt like the oddball because it seemed like everyone around me was rushing, and simply accepting it as a part of life. Rushing to get to work. Rushing to accomplish tasks at work because the person you were waiting to give you pertinent information decides to wait until the last minute to send you the information. Rushing home. Rushing through a workout. Rushing through dinner, a shower, and then hopefully, maybe get 30 minutes of “down-time” before bed. And this “down-time” is usually spent scrolling through social media. Not relaxing at all. And with this rushing some experts say, “just grab one minute of time to focus on your breathing – it will help you cope!” Maybe for some people, but I call bullshit. I’m sick of this pace – I simply cannot do it in any capacity anymore. I refuse to participate in any of it.
Yesterday I was fine, but today, something snapped. Perhaps it’s the cold, gray day outside (as I sit in front of my light therapy box), perhaps it’s been a build-up of small events over several weeks, months. Yes, I do have depression, and despite staying on top of it with medication and exercise, it sometimes still forces its way into my life and decides to take over. The meditation and mindfulness help, but some days, only to an extent. I sit in front of my computer most days and just stare at it, wondering what the fuck I’m doing with my life. Again, some days are better than others, but by afternoons on most days by the afternoon, my mind is toast. I believe a large part of my issue is my social media addiction. Yep, calling it what it really is. Now, I know I am not nearly as bad as some (I’m not always glued to my phone), but social media is my go-to whenever I feel bored, which lately feels like every five minutes. Instagram and Pinterest – love them both and these two don’t cause the same levels of anxiety that Twitter and Facebook do. I won’t go into the details of what distresses me so much with each (okay, the current political situation here in the U.S.), but I really, REALLY need to step away.
Starting today, I am taking a three-month hiatus from Facebook and Twitter. Going back into both and cleaning up my feeds (again) to remove stress triggers. I want to stay informed, yet in doing so I’m overwhelming myself with ALL THE INFORMATION! Every day, it’s something new, something God-awful, something incredibly frustrating, and something I feel like I have no control over. So, I just need to break away. During the hiatus, I plan on lots of art, reading, and getting into a few projects (learning about my ancestry being one of them). Time to focus on what really matters.