Been gone awhile again. I have no excuses – I just haven’t been in the mood to write. Well, technically, to type. I’ve been doing well with my journaling, and I do enjoy it more than doing posts here. I think it’s the intimacy of it. It’s all truly just for me, and there’s no feeling of judgment hanging over my shoulder or a feeling that I’m saying/not saying the right things, or whether I’m repeating myself, or if I’m being boring. I sincerely, truly, absolutely dislike unnecessary stress thrown at me. I simply don’t do well with it. And with doing posts (at least up until today) I’ve always had this little cloud of stress over my head, judging me, judging my writing.
However, I’ve just returned from two weeks in Mexico where I did nothing but relax. No writing, no art, no real thinking. I did some reading and what I learned from this reading is that I need to just write for me an audience of one. I have read this advice before, and I thought I could stick with it, but I found myself wondering if I needed to do more. No, I don’t. I won’t. I can’t. I will write what’s on my mind and set it free.
Admittedly, much of how I’m feeling lately is directly related to the state of this country. Still. I wish I wasn’t so affected by it, but being human, having a heart and caring soul, it does. I’ve come to terms with letting some people go. There’s a difference between accepting differences while loving a person nonetheless (e.g., I love the bands Slipknot and Godsmack, and you may love Kanye and Lady Gaga), and trying to turn a blind eye to someone’s racism, bigotry, hate, and stupidity. Sure, sure, they deny that’s who they are, but, if they’re still supporting 45 and his cronies and the lies that they tell, there’s nothing more I can do but walk away. I wish them well in life, but I must move on. If a time comes when they see the light, great. If not, it’s not my concern. This has been weighing heavily on me for a awhile. It’s simply something I cannot accept. I’m no longer angry about it. I’m no longer sad. As I’ve always known, you cannot change another person. They must make their own change. I can’t concern myself with it anymore. I do wish those of the “Resistance” (I really, really hate that term because I do believe in the notion that what you resist, persists. Not what we’re wanting here. Perhaps “Revolution” would work better.) could start focusing on something more productive than pointing out 45’s daily absurdities. I wish I was more of a hardcore activist – maybe I could start such a movement. But, I’m not. I’ll do what I can do and that’s focus on each moment, focus on positive interactions and harmony with all people.
I hope everyone has a productive and harmonious week. Keep the love alive.