It’s been a few weeks. Things have been a bit crazy, so been focusing on getting through the muck, which means I haven’t been writing, nor even doing much art. My attempt to taper off the anti-depressants flopped, but I’m now okay with this (I wasn’t at first – I felt like a huge failure). I’m back on my normal dose of 150 mg of Effexor XR and I’m feeling much better. The taper was too much, even though I had only went down to 112.5 mg. The mini-blackouts were frightening, and I was starting to feel even worse (i.e. more depressed) than before I had started the drug eleven years ago. Granted, I did have to euthanize my dog, which didn’t help. And was just feeling out-of-sorts. Now with summer ending, I told my doctor I will wait until spring before I attempt to taper off again, IF I even bother. Fuck, it was not fun. So what I will need to do to effectively taper is remove the beads within the capsule and taper one bead at a time (probably one bead a week). Horrifying, isn’t it? It’s like being a heroin addict. If I had only knew, had only done more research eleven years ago, maybe I wouldn’t have bothered. While researchers don’t know the long-term effects of staying on anti-depressants for years, they also don’t fully understand/know the long-term affects once you come off them. I honestly don’t know if it’s worth trying to come off them. But, I’m tabling it for now.
I did do some art today, which was nice. Missed it. I’m preparing myself for my first ever art festival appearance on September 17, where I’ll be selling my glass pieces. I promised myself I wouldn’t get stressed about it, and so far, so good. Keeping it very simple. Not showing any canvases – I don’t have any really ready to show (the ones I have completed I wanted to keep), so my goal is to sell as many of the glass pieces as possible. But also there is the goal of giving myself some exposure – to get over the fear of doing a show. I don’t think doing shows will be a big thing for me because of the time and effort involved, but this is just something I need to do to say I did it. Make sense? I think it will be a fun day, and by not putting much pressure on myself, I will actually enjoy it.
Which brings me to this: I’m really backing off the social media and most likely, this website, for some time. I really want to focus on my art, getting better, and being able to produce quality pieces. This is just not happening with life as it is. I’m still going to be working full-time, so my free time needs to be about the art, and not just on getting my next post up on Instagram. I’m finding Instagram, and even doing regular blog posts, a distraction. It’s like putting the cart before the horse. Why am I trying to gain an audience, a following, when I don’t have the work done. I’ve been far too focused on the next post to pay real attention to the quality of my work. And that bothers me. My intention is for the next five years to be concentrated on improving my techniques and producing large, beautiful pieces of original art, as well as also perfecting photographing these pieces for prints. Again, I can’t be doing this while trying to come up with a weekly blog post and daily Instagram posts. So, I say farewell for now. I may poke my head in from time to time to check in and provide an update. Thank you for your understanding and patience.
Peace, love, happiness, and harmony always.